Dear Brown Girl,
It’s been a struggle lately to even get up in the morning. Doubts have been clouding my mind and I know that no one has been more doubtful of me than well… me.
You see, it’s been a while since I came to this place of darkness and because it was unexpected, it hit me hard. I don’t know what brought me here or what started it and all I know is, I am here. It crept up on me when I least expected it.
I never want anyone to see or know what I go through so I build up this wall that was meant to protect me from those outside but it has ended up caging me inside instead. This wall of so called protection instead became a prison of my own making.
When you go through these moments of confusion, self doubt, and at times self hate, this is what I want you to know:
Brown Girl, I hope you realise that despite all your flaws, you are still worthy. To the people who truly care and love you, you are worthy. Nothing will take away their love and care for you. Despite all that you may do, they will still love you. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with the people who have love for you. To surround yourself with the people who care for you, support you and have your best interests at heart.
You are not damaged. You are not broken. You are not beyond repair. You have people who are willing to go to great lengths for you. You may be flawed but who isn’t? All of us are lacking in many different aspects but that does not mean that you are not valuable or deserving.
Ecclesiastes 7:20 says “Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins“. If the Heavenly Father himself knows and expects for us all not to be perfect all the time, why do we expect it from not only ourselves but from others? No one is perfect all the time. No one is 100% sinless and has never even been tempted to push boundaries. God loves us just the way we are with our twisted and messed up ways so love yourself.
In James 3:2 it reads “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.” Doesn’t this verse speak for itself? We all stumble in many ways. We are not perfect. Who has never tripped over something? Who has never bumped into the corner of a table? Has never spilled contents out of a container? Has never ran into someone accidentally?
In these moments I hold these verses close to remind me that this pressure that I have piled on is not the be all and end all of life. Remember that these will all pass and you will keep moving forward.
This darkness is not the end, Brown Girl, and as cheesy as it may sound there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you can’t see it… BE THE LIGHT.
You may be flawed but you will always be worthy.