Dear Brown Girl,
We read something today on instagram that we have not been able to get out of our mind. It’s a quote. Not just any quote but a quote about soulmates which we find funny considering how many of our relatives literally ask you whether or not you are dating someone or when you are getting married when they see us after a long time. It’s not something that we think about and not even something that is even on our top one hundred things that we worry about but in those moments when they look at us expectantly, we are at a loss for words. That is when we see that the expectations for us is not that we get a good job or get high marks in University but that we have a good guy to bring to the next family meeting.
The quote? It’s by writer Bianca Sparacino, who I think is both beautiful on the inside and out, which reads “No, a soulmate does not complete you — they inspire you to complete yourself. A soulmate is the person who supports your direction, who motivates and encourages you to stretch, to change, to reinvent yourself until you are happy. A soulmate is someone who loves you with so much conviction, and so much heart, that it is nearly impossible to doubt just how capable you are of becoming exactly who you have always wanted to be.”
Soulmate by definition is “a person ideally suited to another as close friend or romantic partner“. ‘Ideally suited’ to me means that they are as close to or as qualified as they could possibly be for a particular situation and in this case, it’s for a ‘romantic partner’. Nothing in this says that they are 100% made for you or you for them and they they are who completes your life but I do feel that is exactly hoe society today would describe a soulmate as. We can see this reflected in films, books, blogs, instagram with their #RelationshipGoals and all other media types.
Why do I love this quote? This is because it speaks truths to me in so many different levels. It is RIGHT! A soulmate is not someone who I need to complete me. They are not someone who I need to feel whole and completed. I am not less of a person just because there is no one attached to me by the hip. Whoever said that a soulmate completes them was either lying or they were extremely lonely and sad. They were either in desperate need of some company or they were one of these people who really loves attention and needs all eyes on them constantly which would explain why they weren’t happy without having someone to “complete” them. Why should my happiness be so dependant on someone else? Why would you even want to put that much responsibility and pressure on someone else? Why are you giving them that much power over you? I truly don’t believe that I need someone to complete me. Brown Girl, we are strong! We have been through so much in our short time here on earth and have we needed someone with us because we feel empty? NO!
Now, that’s not to say that a soulmate is not important because they are. They are there to support you and to inspire you to do better. You don’t need someone to complete you but to impose you to do better, to be better and to complete yourself. Inspiration is such a great thing, especially if it’s by the people you love and care for and even better if it’s by the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. To be inspired by someone is to take motivation from someone’s energy and if they are full of negativity and hate, what do you think you are going to take away from that person? Let them impress on you in a healthy and loving way. Let them install in you devotion, passion, appreciation and happiness. Let hem be a positive in your life but still allow yourself to grow and be a better version of yourself. Let love guide your way as you walk together.
Remember that in a relationship, there is both give and take. If you choose to be with this person, allow them to grow as well. Brown Girl, despite what you think, everything is not always about you. Influence your soulmate in a way that he also feels that he can also become a better person. Love him just as much as he loves you, if not more. Be motivating, not pushy and treat him with respect. Do not let yourself be the reason he doubts himself and his abilities. Never tear him down like that. Love him and lift him up so much that he feels like he can take on the world. Be his inspiration. Do not push him in a way that he feels suffocated but love him in a way that he knows that no matter what, you will support him.
Brown Girl, love yourself enough to know that you are worth it. Know that you deserve happiness and love. Be happy within yourself. Love yourself so much to know that no one deserves the right to degrade you. Be strong and the right one will come along. Don’t rush in to anything and don’t settle.
Love yourself, Brown Girl.
Wait for your soulmate.