I really want to meet me from someone else’s point of view. Would I like what I see or would I be disgusted with myself? Will I be proud of what I have accomplished or will I be discouraged by what I have yet to do?
I feel as if I met myself today I would have a lot of questions on why certain things are happening or not happening. I can’t say that I would be too proud of myself. There are a lot of things that I want or would have expected to have by now but have not yet achieved. There are goals that I have set for myself that I haven’t reached and I feel like I let myself down. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy with the things that I have been able to do so far but I guess I always strive to be better. To be better and to do more. It has always been instilled in me that it is never enough. To push myself to the limit and to do all that I can possibly can but with that type of mentality, there is always disappointment as doubt always seem to seep in. I can’t lie and say that I am overjoyed for what I have done so far but I am thankful for the people who have always backed me up and continue to support me.
If I meet myself today, I would tell her that it is enough and to just be happy. I would let her know that it is okay to not be excellent and over the top all the time and that taking a break is okay. I would tell her that stepping back and resting is also okay. I think it is always hard to admit these things to ourselves and that hearing it from others is always more acceptable but I hope that one day I am able to say this to myself. I wish that I had more courage to listen to myself more and to take my own advice. I think it is so much easier to give advice to other people than to ourselves. It is easy to dish it out and tell people what you really think but letting yourself know the very same things that you tell your friend is a completely different story. Sometimes it just comes down to the fact that other people believe in you more than you do.
I can’t say that I am unhappy and I will forever be thankful to those around me and for the experiences that I have been blessed with but I always wonder what it would be like to come face to face with myself. Will I like what I see? It always makes me think about how others see me and if one day I would just be able to see me through their eyes. What opinion would I have of myself. Looking through a mirror and even seeing a photograph can never compare to how someone truly sees you and what light you’re in.
In all honesty, I do really care about how others see me unless they are family, but it is something that I have always been curious about.