First Heartbreak

Dear Future Daughter,

I wish that I would have found a way to stop this from happening. I wish there was a way that I can allow you to avoid having your heart broken for the fist time. Nothing hurts me more than knowing that one day a young man out there is going to hurt you emotionally in a way that will make you feel like your heart is bleeding.

Honey, I know that it is not easy and I know that if you are anything like me you will inherit my stubbornness and you will continue on hurting without letting me know. It may be hard to believe but I was young once upon a time and I have been there. I know what you are feeling. I too was young and foolish believing in forever and the sweet words that make you feel like this is your happy ever after but you will grow and mature. You will realise a lot of things along the way that will open your eyes to a bigger world. You will realise things that include learning to trust and forgive, learning to give and take and even who you should and should not entrust your heart with.

I experienced my first heartbreak over someone who maybe I should not have given my heart to. I can easily say that was dumb, foolish, naive and well, all of the above. He made me feel loved and pretty and cared for but as I look back now on our time together I can not help but wonder what was real and what were just words he used to get what he wants from me. Did I give him more than what he deserved? The ultimate price I paid was my heart. We ended things on uncertain terms. He had his reasons and I had mine. We had began to drift apart from each other. I had lost three family members in a short space of time, one of them being Nana Hea. She is someone I would have loved for you to meet. When the going got rough, he bailed on me. Rather than choosing to stay he chose the easy way out and left. I never want you know this feeling of abandonment and hurt especially from someone you had put your trust in. As time went by, I decided that I could not be the bigger person and be friends with him. Occasionally now and then we talk. It is not how it was and I do not think that there will be a time where it ever will be but once you realise that you have moved on and is no longer holding on to this idea of a person, you feel free.

I do not ever want you to feel like I am forcing you to never a someone to love or a boyfriend. I want you to be happy with someone of your choosing but all I want you to do is learn from this.

Now is the hard part. It is time to accept that this is the end, let it go and keep moving on. Ice cream and chocolate really does help. This is the part where the loneliness settles in along with the feeling of being lost and hurt but always remember that there are people who are for you who love you and will never stop caring about you even if you spend most of your time moping and being sad. It is time to let go. I know that it is hard and I am not forcing you to get over him straight away. It is not going to be easy but I am telling you that with time and a whole lot of ice cream, you will get there.

So cheer up! This is not the end of the world and this is not the only person who you will ever love. You will find your perfect match! The person who is meant for you is out there.

Love you always my future child.

‘Ofa lahi atu,

(Future) Mum

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