Taking Chances

“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take”

Every time I let a moment or chances pass me by, I sometimes ponder on the ‘what if’ afterwards for a long period of time.. and when I say long period of time, I mean for as long as it takes for me to find something else to wonder about which can range from two days to months. I think about the situation over and over again, about all the different scenarios that could have happened or how the outcome would have been altered if I had behaved differently.

I have a fear of the unknown. I do not fear heights because I know that there is the ground below but I fear how I am going to fall. I do not fear the darkness itself but what is hidden in the darkness. I do not fear new places but I fear what may be in store for me in those new areas. It is not the thing itself that makes me fear but what I do not know about it. It is the reason why I pull back, why I do not step out of my comfort zone and why I tend to keep to myself.

Taking a chance means stepping into unknown territory and it strikes fear into me. It means leaving behind things that I know and embarking on a journey that leads to somewhere that I have never been. It is frightening and in all honesty, scary. That chance may or may not lead me to a better place and the fear of going down the wrong path is what holds me back from taking that first step.

Do you ever get an opportunity and you do not take it because you felt like you were not ready for the responsibility but then later regret not pushing yourself? My comfort zone is my safe keeping but if I never step out and explore the world outside then nothing will ever change. I will still be walking in the same pace in a the same direction. I am afraid of failure. I am scared of disappointing my parents. Growing up in a Tongan family where you know that a lot is dependant on you doing well puts a lot of pressure on to one’s shoulders. I think for myself, the reason why I have no fully immersed myself in study is because of the fear that I will not succeed and will end up letting my parents down. Knowing that they are discontented with me does pull my confidence down. I do not ever want my parents feeling like that they can not be proud of me. I want to do well for them. I want to do well for my family and my loved ones but the prospect of them looking at me with disapproving eyes always sets my confidence back and in the end I pull away from any opportunities that may lead me down a different way.

I do not want to live my life regretting the things that I was not able to do. I do not want to constantly think of all the things that could have been, of all the ‘what ifs’ and of all those lost chances that I had. Life is too short to be taken for granted and I hope that I will push myself beyond the limits that I have set for myself. It is not an external struggle but an internal struggle between my mind and heart. Here is to wishful thinking! Fingers crossed that I learn my lesson quickly!

 

xoxo